Pain Vivisection
by JustAnotherCrazyMind
Summary: 'I love you' And then, everything was gone. Just a little angsty fic about what could have happened after that call. Rated M because of suicide themed.


**Disclaimer: I do not own anything (unfortunately)** **Warning: Suicide.**

 _I love you._

The words still ringed in her ears, penetrating her brain like a pointed nail, torturing her soul like claws digging her skin, leaving her exposed, nude, weak.

She had cried for hours after the call but now she just sat there, on her couch, staring at nothing, replaying nothing but those words, in her voice and in his voice, because he had been perfect, as always she might add, he had been perfect and had obeyed her, it sounded as if he meant it, but she knew better, she knew he didn't, because, how could he? She was nothing but a pathetic excuse of a pathologist who might come in handy whenever he needed her.

 _No._

She knew him too well to think so low of him, of course she knew he didn't see that way, _did she?_

Years of humiliation had emptied her, scarred her so deeply that she had nothing left to hold onto, the last thing had been his friendship, and now it was gone, just like her strength and her will to live, gone.

Beyond all those feeling that was what he was to her, her friend, her life saviour, because even when his deductions cut deep, his words were acid and his demeanor cold, she knew that was him, with everyone around he would be the same, there was no difference in his eyes when he said those words to her or someone else, and that, she cherished, because all her life she had seen people looking down to her, with pity, disdain, embarrassment.

But now, it was _gone_ , and what was left? An empty and broken pathologist.

She got up from her couch and walked upstairs, to the bathroom. Her form moved across the tiny room like a ghost dragging chains, every movement weighed. Opened the hot water faucet, needed the water hot, there was science behind every twisted urban legend and she knew them all by now, stripping off her clothes she got into the water only with her underwear. Too hot. It didn't matter, she found the burning pain numbing, the feeling made her travel back to her teenager years, young and forgotten had found comfort in the pain, some small scars still lingered on her legs as sad reminder, pain had been her motor to pursue science and then death, death was friend to her, and now she saw that maybe it had always been there to tell her that this, this was her destiny.

Her next move was totally unconscious, under the water she cut her forearm flesh opened, the scalpel had been on her hand all the time but she couldn't remember how it got there, not that it mattered now. She barely grimaced and soon her face draw a sad smile while closing her eyes. _Finally_.

On her front door a silhouette stood stoic, his mind was a mess, her Mind Palace was torn, violated, ruined. For years he had fought against that human defect everyone called 'emotions' and it had taken her sister 3 minutes to throw all those years to the trash, 3 minutes to leave him helpless, stunned, lost.

 _Look what you did to her._

And that he did, he saw, he felt it, he felt her, when every cell in his body screamed to run and hug her crumbling form, all he could do was look from afar how she fell apart.

 _One knock._

Waited,words and different scenarios going through his mind, what could he say? What could he do? He had accepted his defeat, he was defective after all, and she was the reason behind that.

 _Another knock_.

And he had broken her, with just three words he had tore her soul apart, all because he froze at the idea of losing her, all because he let it affect him enough to lose his mind, enough to forget how to do what he did best. The basic reasoning backed him up, his sister had killed before, it was only obvious to assume she would kill her too. But, he didn't do basic reasoning, he didn't do 'obvious', and yet, he had, because he had been a selfish bastard who didn't stand the idea of losing her, he had frozen.

 _Kicked it open_.

No. She wouldn't do this to him, she wouldn't take his most precious thing in life away, would she?

He ran, he pushed open.

 _No._

He screamed, didn't he? She thought he did, but she was already too far to listen.


End file.
